I have been working on a post for my substack about betrayal and honestly, your post is way better but mine is already scheduled. I am going to link to your post from mine for those who want to understand even more how deep this kind of pain goes. Thank you for writing.
I’m glad my words resonated with you, though I’m sorry you can relate. I look forward to reading your post! It’s so important to share our stories and help others become aware of these issues.
I’m so grateful for the voice you’ve developed through all of the pain. Reading this, today brings fresh tears to my eyes as I think about the injustice and relational damage. But… I’m also really grateful for the perspective God has provided.
The whole “charges” thing was an unbelievable circus, and it is still beyond me how people who knew you and your character chose to walk away from a friendship with you over vague accusations. We’re still in your corner, Joy.
Julie, your friendship and integrity helped me keep my head above water through that difficult time. Thank you for your courage and kindness — it means more than I can say!
I can relate to so much! When the whistleblower is portrayed as the culprit, when everything gets turned back on you, it is so infuriating. I resigned before they could fire me. I had a few friends who stood by me, but it is hard to find people who really want to challenge the system. It can feel very lonely.
That’s for sure. I’m sorry you can relate! It’s so hard to watch people choose to ignore uncomfortable truths, especially when you’re suffering as a result.
I wish this story were uncommon! The structures need to change and I’m thankful you are speaking up to add your voice to clarify the issues so we can build healthier communities of faith.
I relate to this as well from being at a ministry where I watched often what happened when a family chose to leave and was made out to have “lost their call”. That’s a whole other set of cult-like behaviors, but they are all tied together.
But I came to comment on this quote:
“I believed that our friends — people who loved us, loved Jesus, and loved the church — cared about truth, justice, and integrity. I trusted people we’d known for years would take time to understand what was happening, would want to make sure the church reflected Jesus’ love. I was naive.”
After doing quite a bit of rethinking what is the heart of the gospel, the meaning of redemption and the emphasis of Jesus’ ministry, I’m realizing how much He cared for the least of these—the sick, the hurting, the poor, the lowly and the powerless. He talks A LOT about justice and spends ALOT of His time WITH these lowly people without power.
But WE have lost the plot in our churches. I’ve had almost no teaching in Baptist circles about that. The focus on “justification by faith” as the heart of the gospel has flattened everyone’s sin into being the same, and we don’t recognize injustice anymore. We are told that “we all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”, and so whatever a pastor has done is simply part of that universal “falling short” and it is automatically “covered by the blood of Jesus”, and anyone making a wave about it just isn’t walking in grace and forgiveness.
If the gospel is merely about getting people “saved” to “go to heaven when we die”, then what we do to one another in this world in the church is much more easily overlooked. “It’s forgiven”, right? “Why can’t you forgive?”
Argh! This can’t be what Jesus came to do. And it’s not. He cared very much about justice because, at its heart, justice is making all things right.
I like to remember what it means in word processing programs to “justify left”. It is to straighten out all the text in a neat line to the left margin. Thinking of this analogy to understand justification and justice helps me take it out of that typical legal framework we use for forgiveness of a debt and see it in terms of making crooked things straight.
That church needed to care for your heart in making what was made crooked straight again.
If churches taught better about justice for those who are being harmed, things like what happened to you would become more obviously in need of attending to. As it is, people are blind to the issue because “Jesus’s blood covering sin” is all we can see, so it’s all covered, right? Problem solved.
The real problem is missed because we’ve overlooked how He came to bind up our wounds and heal us as well. We need better teaching.
Thanks for sharing. May we distinguish the voice of Jesus from those who would misappropriate his voice.
I’m comforted in knowing that Jesus sought out the man cast out by the religious leaders in John 9. Jesus reassigns misplaced assignment of responsibility and calls the religious leaders blind. He demonstrates the heart of the good shepherd even before we get to the good shepherd passage in John 10. Friends may desert us but Jesus sees!
Thanks for sharing this. The layers of pain in these situations are deep and many. Perhaps the most painful are those that include how a community decides to respond. My friend always says, "shame is the birthplace of blame." These experiences have a way of exposing broken systems and poking at feelings of shame (for all connected) and then everyone scurries around looking for a place to put the blame in an attempt to release the feelings of shame as quickly as possible. Too often the victim is the target because (it at least seems that) this will require the least amount of sacrifice/change for everyone involved.
I have been working on a post for my substack about betrayal and honestly, your post is way better but mine is already scheduled. I am going to link to your post from mine for those who want to understand even more how deep this kind of pain goes. Thank you for writing.
I’m glad my words resonated with you, though I’m sorry you can relate. I look forward to reading your post! It’s so important to share our stories and help others become aware of these issues.
I’m so grateful for the voice you’ve developed through all of the pain. Reading this, today brings fresh tears to my eyes as I think about the injustice and relational damage. But… I’m also really grateful for the perspective God has provided.
The whole “charges” thing was an unbelievable circus, and it is still beyond me how people who knew you and your character chose to walk away from a friendship with you over vague accusations. We’re still in your corner, Joy.
Julie, your friendship and integrity helped me keep my head above water through that difficult time. Thank you for your courage and kindness — it means more than I can say!
I can relate to so much! When the whistleblower is portrayed as the culprit, when everything gets turned back on you, it is so infuriating. I resigned before they could fire me. I had a few friends who stood by me, but it is hard to find people who really want to challenge the system. It can feel very lonely.
That’s for sure. I’m sorry you can relate! It’s so hard to watch people choose to ignore uncomfortable truths, especially when you’re suffering as a result.
I wish this story were uncommon! The structures need to change and I’m thankful you are speaking up to add your voice to clarify the issues so we can build healthier communities of faith.
Thank you… and yes, these types of stories are way too common
Ugh. I am so sorry you had to go through all of that, but I'm thankful for how much you brought it to light and continue to do so.
Thank you, Bobby!
I relate to this as well from being at a ministry where I watched often what happened when a family chose to leave and was made out to have “lost their call”. That’s a whole other set of cult-like behaviors, but they are all tied together.
But I came to comment on this quote:
“I believed that our friends — people who loved us, loved Jesus, and loved the church — cared about truth, justice, and integrity. I trusted people we’d known for years would take time to understand what was happening, would want to make sure the church reflected Jesus’ love. I was naive.”
After doing quite a bit of rethinking what is the heart of the gospel, the meaning of redemption and the emphasis of Jesus’ ministry, I’m realizing how much He cared for the least of these—the sick, the hurting, the poor, the lowly and the powerless. He talks A LOT about justice and spends ALOT of His time WITH these lowly people without power.
But WE have lost the plot in our churches. I’ve had almost no teaching in Baptist circles about that. The focus on “justification by faith” as the heart of the gospel has flattened everyone’s sin into being the same, and we don’t recognize injustice anymore. We are told that “we all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”, and so whatever a pastor has done is simply part of that universal “falling short” and it is automatically “covered by the blood of Jesus”, and anyone making a wave about it just isn’t walking in grace and forgiveness.
If the gospel is merely about getting people “saved” to “go to heaven when we die”, then what we do to one another in this world in the church is much more easily overlooked. “It’s forgiven”, right? “Why can’t you forgive?”
Argh! This can’t be what Jesus came to do. And it’s not. He cared very much about justice because, at its heart, justice is making all things right.
I like to remember what it means in word processing programs to “justify left”. It is to straighten out all the text in a neat line to the left margin. Thinking of this analogy to understand justification and justice helps me take it out of that typical legal framework we use for forgiveness of a debt and see it in terms of making crooked things straight.
That church needed to care for your heart in making what was made crooked straight again.
If churches taught better about justice for those who are being harmed, things like what happened to you would become more obviously in need of attending to. As it is, people are blind to the issue because “Jesus’s blood covering sin” is all we can see, so it’s all covered, right? Problem solved.
The real problem is missed because we’ve overlooked how He came to bind up our wounds and heal us as well. We need better teaching.
Thanks for sharing. May we distinguish the voice of Jesus from those who would misappropriate his voice.
I’m comforted in knowing that Jesus sought out the man cast out by the religious leaders in John 9. Jesus reassigns misplaced assignment of responsibility and calls the religious leaders blind. He demonstrates the heart of the good shepherd even before we get to the good shepherd passage in John 10. Friends may desert us but Jesus sees!
Thanks for sharing this. The layers of pain in these situations are deep and many. Perhaps the most painful are those that include how a community decides to respond. My friend always says, "shame is the birthplace of blame." These experiences have a way of exposing broken systems and poking at feelings of shame (for all connected) and then everyone scurries around looking for a place to put the blame in an attempt to release the feelings of shame as quickly as possible. Too often the victim is the target because (it at least seems that) this will require the least amount of sacrifice/change for everyone involved.