I’m learning to trust and hope again. For me, I learned I couldn’t force it. I couldn’t force conversations or finding a church or even praying. I knew it would happen eventually, so I just waited. And now, I’m seeking out worship with other believers because “it’s time.” It feels good again. Hopeful.
“He kept his wounds after the resurrection, perhaps especially for those of us who would be wounded in our search for him.” Yes! We really should call him “traumatized Thomas” instead of “doubting Thomas.” He was afraid for his life, and for good reason:
John 12:10-11 But the chief priests had decided to kill Lazarus also, [11] because he was the reason many of the Jews were deserting them and believing in Jesus.
John 15:20 Remember the word I spoke to you: 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you.
John 16:2 They will ban you from the synagogues. In fact, a time is coming when anyone who kills you will think he is offering service to God.
John 20:19 When it was evening on that first day of the week, the disciples were gathered together with the doors locked because they feared the Jews.
John 20:26 A week later his disciples were indoors again, and Thomas was with them. Even though the doors were locked…
I have a hunch that Thomas is the one who locked the doors that 2nd Sunday, and I don’t blame him. My family is still locking the doors on Sundays.
Thank you for sharing this with us, Joy. I can relate to so many of the feelings you share here as I also continue to heal and decide if I want to be known in a church body too.
Beautiful. I'm being slowly nurtured back to a healthy notion of the inevitable and blessed place of other people in my life but I don't believe I will ever be a member of a Christian organisation again if only because the safety, legitimacy and provision they promise is not theirs to give. Thank you for continuing to share your journey.
“The safety, legitimacy and provision they promise is not theirs to give.” Absolutely true! I have a very different view of church “membership” now, (which continues to evolve), but I no longer expect any of the above from an institution.
If you can set aside 40 minutes this video is based upon Psalm 34: 19
The Pastor is funny, knows his Bible and addresses the “afflictions of the righteous” he invigorated a room full of Chaplains and Samaritan’s Purse volunteers.
Joy - I love this piece! I love the raw honesty of your struggles, and the fact that you’re not there yet, and are willing to share that with us. And yet you’re searching the scriptures diligently to find the real Jesus, and a church that embodies His love, kindness, and compassion.
I’m learning to trust and hope again. For me, I learned I couldn’t force it. I couldn’t force conversations or finding a church or even praying. I knew it would happen eventually, so I just waited. And now, I’m seeking out worship with other believers because “it’s time.” It feels good again. Hopeful.
I love this. … and it’s so good to be encouraged through Thomas’s story that Jesus doesn’t want to force our trust, either.
Thomas has become my favorite disciple. I love what he says in his own gospel about bringing forth what is within.
This is a beautiful reflection on the gifts he offers us. Thank you.
Thanks for reading! And I’ve never read the gospel of Thomas, but now I’m curious…
Well, to be honest his gospel is mostly baffling to me…but worth wrestling with nonetheless.
“He kept his wounds after the resurrection, perhaps especially for those of us who would be wounded in our search for him.” Yes! We really should call him “traumatized Thomas” instead of “doubting Thomas.” He was afraid for his life, and for good reason:
John 12:10-11 But the chief priests had decided to kill Lazarus also, [11] because he was the reason many of the Jews were deserting them and believing in Jesus.
John 15:20 Remember the word I spoke to you: 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you.
John 16:2 They will ban you from the synagogues. In fact, a time is coming when anyone who kills you will think he is offering service to God.
John 20:19 When it was evening on that first day of the week, the disciples were gathered together with the doors locked because they feared the Jews.
John 20:26 A week later his disciples were indoors again, and Thomas was with them. Even though the doors were locked…
I have a hunch that Thomas is the one who locked the doors that 2nd Sunday, and I don’t blame him. My family is still locking the doors on Sundays.
Oh, what a thought! I wouldn’t be surprised if he did. And “traumatized Thomas” would be a much better name, yes.
Thank you for sharing this with us, Joy. I can relate to so many of the feelings you share here as I also continue to heal and decide if I want to be known in a church body too.
Thank you, April — I know you know ❤️🩹
I walk this path with you. Thank you for sharing this. I needed to read your words today.
Thank you - I’m so grateful it was encouraging. That’s been my prayer.
Beautiful. I'm being slowly nurtured back to a healthy notion of the inevitable and blessed place of other people in my life but I don't believe I will ever be a member of a Christian organisation again if only because the safety, legitimacy and provision they promise is not theirs to give. Thank you for continuing to share your journey.
“The safety, legitimacy and provision they promise is not theirs to give.” Absolutely true! I have a very different view of church “membership” now, (which continues to evolve), but I no longer expect any of the above from an institution.
If you can set aside 40 minutes this video is based upon Psalm 34: 19
The Pastor is funny, knows his Bible and addresses the “afflictions of the righteous” he invigorated a room full of Chaplains and Samaritan’s Purse volunteers.
https://youtu.be/ENenIkLuh-E
Blessings
Thank you!
Joy - I love this piece! I love the raw honesty of your struggles, and the fact that you’re not there yet, and are willing to share that with us. And yet you’re searching the scriptures diligently to find the real Jesus, and a church that embodies His love, kindness, and compassion.