In one of the several churches we have left the Senior Pastor told me, "THe problem you have, is you want to be my peer, and that will NEVER happen. I was an employee at the church school, a teacher at the church based Bible School, where I received a small stipend, and a member of the worship team. We were gone a few weeks later. I just wanted him to not lie and manipulate people.
Peter Scazzero in The Emotionally Healthy Leader warns of ministry leaders engaging in dual relationships. He doesn't say "don't do it," but he does say "tread very lightly."
In your account the lead pastor should have maintained a professional relationship with you and been cordial but not overtly friendly. It sounds like he was royally unhealthy in lots of areas. The demands of Christian ministry make it very easy to be emotionally unhealthy.
see the issues but the topic is disorienting. Church structure, pastor as paid employees but the rest of us are unpaid volunteers and WE pay into the church but often have no voice. Does God only speak to a few leaders or does God speak to us all?
It does seem like a disorienting issue... I don't know if there's one simple solution, but I think it's helpful to start examining our assumptions about what church is "supposed" to be. I want to learn more about the practices of the early church -- it seems the New Testament gatherings of believers were much less of a formal hierarchy than what we typically have today in the U.S. Definitely something worth praying about, though!
Wow. I’m so sorry. That’s quite the immature and/or narcissistic statement from that pastor. And you can’t get much farther from Jesus’ treatment of his disciples. Somehow so many pastors are focused on “lording it over” others.
I do believe that there is a leadership element to the pastoral gift. But that should be focused on creating a safe community where people can heal and grow. Unfortunately, so many “Pastors” see their role primarily as one of ‘organizational leadership’ as opposed to seeing themselves as persons who are primarily in the “business” of soul care. We need to swing the pendulum (emphasis) for shepherds back the other direction!
In one of the several churches we have left the Senior Pastor told me, "THe problem you have, is you want to be my peer, and that will NEVER happen. I was an employee at the church school, a teacher at the church based Bible School, where I received a small stipend, and a member of the worship team. We were gone a few weeks later. I just wanted him to not lie and manipulate people.
Peter Scazzero in The Emotionally Healthy Leader warns of ministry leaders engaging in dual relationships. He doesn't say "don't do it," but he does say "tread very lightly."
In your account the lead pastor should have maintained a professional relationship with you and been cordial but not overtly friendly. It sounds like he was royally unhealthy in lots of areas. The demands of Christian ministry make it very easy to be emotionally unhealthy.
I'm glad you got out.
see the issues but the topic is disorienting. Church structure, pastor as paid employees but the rest of us are unpaid volunteers and WE pay into the church but often have no voice. Does God only speak to a few leaders or does God speak to us all?
i have no clue how to address. praying
It does seem like a disorienting issue... I don't know if there's one simple solution, but I think it's helpful to start examining our assumptions about what church is "supposed" to be. I want to learn more about the practices of the early church -- it seems the New Testament gatherings of believers were much less of a formal hierarchy than what we typically have today in the U.S. Definitely something worth praying about, though!
Wow. I’m so sorry. That’s quite the immature and/or narcissistic statement from that pastor. And you can’t get much farther from Jesus’ treatment of his disciples. Somehow so many pastors are focused on “lording it over” others.
Thanks. Yes, it seems like “emotionally unhealthy” is the default setting for too many people in ministry — I hope this can change.
I do believe that there is a leadership element to the pastoral gift. But that should be focused on creating a safe community where people can heal and grow. Unfortunately, so many “Pastors” see their role primarily as one of ‘organizational leadership’ as opposed to seeing themselves as persons who are primarily in the “business” of soul care. We need to swing the pendulum (emphasis) for shepherds back the other direction!